Saturday, April 19, 2014

Cursed Night (written 2012)


Cursed Night (written 2012)

Tonight was cold, and despite the wraps we wore about our shoulders. The ache set our bones on edge, causing us to wish for warmth and grow sleepy.

The faint smell of damp earth rose and I inhaled as I snuggled down, deeper.   My hands curled under my head, and I told myself it would be alright if I just drifted off for a moment...

Just to close my eyes against this night...

I watched as you bowed your head, I assumed to pray again.  You've been distant today, more quiet than usual.  My eyes, they grew heavy as I saw you rest your head again the boulder on which you kneeled.

All is peaceful, at least from the outside.  I question the way my heart jumps every so often, in fast little pitter-patters.  We all hate the heaviness of the silence that presses down.

In the grove of olives, things were not as they seemed, and I was still growing sleepy.

Dreams of warning, of thunder in the sky exploding...and you touched me upon my shoulder.

"Wake up"

Did you know that fear, is more than an emotion?  It is as physical as the skin you are covered in.  All I could think of was

"He told us this was going to happen!"

My stomach in knots, and my heart is thudding wildly in my throat, I am blinking in vain, trying to make it all disappear.  Yet, they are standing there, looking at him, looking at us, with torches blazing.

I cannot move, and I fought violently with my mind to stay.  First chance I would get...I would run.  Still, I knew it was only by him that I would be safe.

I hated that...feeling helpless.

He turned to look at me, with all of the love of heaven in his eyes.  I felt him ask me...

To stay.

I am afraid, very much afraid.  Only I have to stay close to my fear.  I follow as they led him away.  Hiding behind bushes, blending with the shadows, I crept forward...till at last I came upon the town squares fire.
Do you know how long a minute is when fear and evil reign?
Cursed night, when will you give way to daybreak?
I shouldn't be here, and yet here I am.  Waiting for news of a friend.

And they are noticing me now.  I look deeply into the fire, pretending I don't see them.
Be still wretched heart, all will be well in the morning.
And it is here that I threw my faith...knowing that it was not likely I'd feel his hands upon my shoulders, or his smile to grace my eyes.

My tears upon sand, like water dissolving clay.  I am undone. I wonder if night would ever give way, shall I ever see the sun?

The buzzing in my ears have shut all sound, and I can no longer think

My God, my God, are you really the one?
Have I followed foolishly?
Surely not, I have seen what He has done!

Yet am I just crazy, why is it they cannot see?
I just want You to come back,
I want this to be some horrible dream

But my heart has a hole, and it continues to bleed
My God,  my Lord..I don't want to believe
Help my unbelief

Oh dark night of my soul
And the morning grows bitter
What will be done, will be done
Before the next setting of the sun

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